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Tuesday, November 30, 2010

90 days down...don't know how many more I can go...

So, the past 2 weeks have been filled with ups and downs...Wow...I really don't wanna rehash old experiences. Let's just say that it's been a very trying time...And the mudslide after the storm has been that money is inexplicably missing from my check...

So, that in itself has changed the tides. I don't trust the school. The school doesn't trust me...they think I'm gonna run off and leave them without a teacher. And quite frankly, that thought has crossed my mind PLENTY of times. I just really can't stand being under appreciated. But, if I don't know but one thing from my 28 years of living, it's that you cannot make anyone value you any more than they are open, despite my best efforts, and smiley faces, I am "just" a disposable ESL teacher.

So, now, the gloves come out. I have a meeting with the owner tomorrow...he says to "revisit my contract." Haha...this is about to be a joke, but I promise you, the jokes on them! Coreans have the attitude that they can treat you any kind of way, and then in the presence of them, you're suppose to fake it like everything is ok. I am a mirror...I am trying to grow, and be more of the image that I want you to reflect--the image of Christ, but I can say with conviction, that I am not fully there yet.

So, while I am never gonna disrespect you, you will hear when I am not happy. You will hear it from my mouth, and through my actions. I am not worried though, I am confident that I will move when God says move, or stay if he says stay.

As my homegirl says, "it don't matter what we say, what you say, but what God says!" And it's so true. My sister says I may miss out on learning something about myself if I leave prematurely (of a 12 month contract). But I've already learned more about myself than before: I will not stand for any old thing. And only I determine my fate and future...I will not allow others to keep me unhappy, even if I have NO other options from other people's point of views. So, Boooyaa! LOL.

I digress...going to pray. Thanks for listening!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

ACTION!! it's way too late for me to be up on a work night, but my mind is going, going, going like the energizer bunny. I've had several convos in the past couple of days with a few close friends of mine (intelligent women). And I've come to a conclusion after sifting through knowledge and conversation that:

I have been warped in my thinking!

I have created something in my head that's not really there, based on my own ambitions and desires. WWG??!! I mean really? I've never considered myself to be an irrational person. Actually, those who know me know I am quite rational; always considering the facts and digging to dispel any illusions or inconclusive information. Never allowing my heart to overpower my head.

So, I really don't know how I ended up here, but today is the first day of the rest of my life of knowing the truth. Believing the truth, and taking ACTION to stand up against fallacies that are implanted into my head. I have so many words that come to mind when I think of this situation, but none of them are appropriate for the general reader. LOL.

I just could't understand, why now? How? But, when I sat up tonight to think about it...I recognized the pattern! Anytime I am on the right track in life; anytime I set out with tunnel vision to reach a goal...a diversion is created to knock me back a few steps. AH HA! I recognized you! You were you in 2003.... You were you in 2008....and I'll be damned if I am gonna let you divert my attention again! I will reach my goals, and I will finish this leg of the race. So there! You gotta go mess with someone else.

I'm sure by now, you're wondering what in the world is this girl talking about!? Well, just to clarify, I'm not talking about any one person in particular. I'm talking about the spirit of diversion. Spooky huh? Not really. Ever had a clear goal in mind, and before you know it, you've forgotten all about your goal? For example: I'm going to lose weight...3 months later, you've gained some lbs? Ever notice that it's when you get that steely look in your eye to do something good for you, or do something that is right, that all hell breaks loose?

To dumb it is the force against what is good and right in us; against what God would have us to do. For people who find this hard to believe, why do you think that every action has an opposite and equal reaction in nature?

I digress. But I will say this...once you recognize it, it's easier to overcome. The fact that I've had a couple of months of depression here in South Korea is evidence to me that I must be sniffing around the right track. As for what I've allowed to divert my attention? That's between me, myself, and I. I will say this though; Tonight (this morning), the diversion is no longer a problem.

Wow...thank you Lord.

Until next time, Be still and know that He is God.

Saturday, November 13, 2010


Soooo, it's a lazy Saturday morning. I've just finished some editing work, and am looking forward to doing nothing for most of the day.

My body is obviously telling me to rest. I've been sick going on 3 weeks now. They say when it rains, it pours! (whomever they are) But really, I went to the doctor about 3 weeks ago, and received treatment and medicine for a whopping 14,000 won...equivalent to about $12 USD. I was diagnosed with the flu. Everyone around me said that it took forever for me to get sick, compared to how quickly they became ill after moving here.

The medicine worked for the terrible part of how I was feeling. However, now, 2 weeks after the medicine is gone, I still have a head cold, and a terrible, painful cough! Looks like I'll be going back to the doctor soon. I've tried all the OTC medicines I have at home, but I'm convinced this needs professional help.

Anyhoo, this is why I'm committed to staying indoors for most of this weekend. Last weekend, I was feeling much better, and decided to go to Everland with BSSK (Brothas&Sistas of South Korea) and had a blast!

Here's some pics: BSSK in Everland

Oh, I am thinking about getting my own place. I miss my old roomie...I obviously have a new roomie. She's alright, but I miss my old roomie. At the end of the day, I wish to come home no other noise but my own. In the mornings, I wish to wake up no other noise but my own. End of story. LOL

Nothing more to report here. Until next time....Kimchi!